Treatment Not Approved

The recent downturn has been rough, and I still haven't recovered. In the first week home from the hospital, we nearly returned twice. But sadly, we've run every test, and until the next MRI, we don't really have any new information to act on. My insurance has not yet approved the Tysabri, so I have not started my new MS treatment. The insurance is pushing back because it's an aggressive, expensive treatment that is usually reserved for several years into an MS diagnosis, after other treatments have stopped working well. Sadly, I'm already at the point where regular treatments aren't working, and we are anxious to protect my brain tissue.

One of my more serious symptoms has been pressure in my head (not migraines, just severe pressure). We finally found a medication that helps, but sadly, it has some nasty side effects, including persistent tingling of my hands/feet and face, stomach aches and severe nausea. The doc says I just have to deal with it because the medication is essential right now.

In other news, my job finally had to let me go. I couldn't be there, and they have given me every scrap of leave possible. I honestly was heartbroken, though of course I understand. It is a really disappointing and disorienting feeling losing a job because of an illness. I never thought it would come to this. I honestly loved working at Yodle, and I miss all my friends there. I was loving being back to work, even though it was making me sick. I was fighting for the chance to feel normal again, and I feel pretty defeated to realize that I couldn't make it work. The good news is that Yodle says they will hire me back as soon as I'm feeling healthy and strong again (sadly, I have no idea when that might be. If I couldn't pull it off after five months of fighting to recover, who knows where this is all headed). In the meantime, I get to learn about new things like disability benefits, expensive insurance, and budgeting without a budget!

Despite feeling horrible for months, and losing my job, I can honestly say, that recently I have had some of the most amazing witnesses of God's love. He has answered my prayers in very direct, personal ways. Realizing how much he loves me, and how much he knows me and all that is happening...how could I be afraid? I have absolutely no idea where this is all headed, or what my future holds, but I do trust God. I know he loves me, and I know that there is a purpose for all we go through in life, even if it's simply to learn.

Thanks to all for your continuous love and support, and especially for your your prayers. Thank you to my family and extended family for their recent fasting in my behalf. The trial has not been taken away, but the burden in my heart has been made much lighter, and I am truly grateful.

All my best,
Mandy


"When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we've ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.

Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up" (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God's love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble."   

Jeffrey R. Holland, "Lessons from Liberty Jail," Ensign, Sep 2009, 26–33